Mental Unrelaxsation: I Need Serious Comments

Aik bat jo mjhy bohat iritate kar rhi hy,ap logon sy share karna chahti hon.sahyad k koi mjhy is matter main help kar saky.

Samajh nahin aa rahi k  kahan sy btaon.

Ok let me tell in v simple  way.actly a 26 years old guy proposed me 4 marrige,main achi tarha janti hon k log flirt b hoty hain but idea ho jata hy.or mjhy apni limitations ka pata hy or usy b.humain aik dooosry ko jany howay 5 months ho gay hain.or in 5 months main hmari 4 meetins hoin hain restaurants main. wo doosry city main rahta hy.hmara mostly telephonic contact rahta hy or baton sy kon sa flirt ho saka hy.

Wo aik acha,mature n decent person hy.wo  aik jaaiz relation banana chahta hy.jo qualities main ny kbhi apny lifepartner main sochi thin ,wo us main hain,he is decent,welll educated,understands me,cheezon ko positively laita hy..respectable job hy,acha earn karta hy.daikhny main b sahi hy though  not very goodlooking.

Ab masla ye hy k sometimes to mjhy lagta hy k main usy like karti hon even sometimes mujhy aisa lagta hy k I have love for him.sometimes to main satisfied hoti hon but  sometimes main bohat unsatisfied ho jati hon.main  achi tarha janti hon k aik achi married life  k liye achi understanding,aik dosry ko samjhna or aik doosry k emotions ka khiyal rakhna zarori hota hy ye sab us bandy main hy bhi. But phir b jany q aik ajeeb si unsatisfaction hoti hy.mujhy khud ko b samajh nahin aati.may b I was  expecting a very handsom man.wo daikhny main acha hy.face wise wo serious n mature dikhta hy.……wo  kahta hy k usy bar bar "love u  , love u" kahna nahin aata.

Is ki aik wajh ye b ho sakti hy k jab meri life main wo nahin aya tha to main is period ko bohat idealise karti thi k jab ap kisi sy inlove hoty hain.main samjhti thi k agr koi meri life main aya to main bohat passionately us sy inlove ho jaon gi but ab jab k who hay to meri felings main wo passion nahin hy.liking ki ye  feelings mujh py hawi nahin hain.meri friends kahti hain k u  r lucky k tmhari feelings itni shadeed nahin hain,hawi nahin hain tum py but….

main usy looks  main doosry logon say compare karny lagti hon,meri friends kahti hain k tum us ki appearance ko na consider karo,us ki sincerity n devotion ko consider karo.

(main phir ye kahon gi k wo daikhny main acha khasa hy,ALLAH maafi dy koi defect b nahin hy)

I know k main agr usy apni unsatisfaction ka  baton to wo is bat ko understand kary ga.balky aik bar us ny kaha b tha k ager main us sy satisfied nahin hon to it's no problem.im free to end this relation.

Is k baawjood main is relation ko khatm nahin karna chahti coz  wo mujhy bohat understand karta hy.main us k sath aik achi life guzaaar sakti hon.is k bawjood unsatisfaction hy.

Plz help me out.main sirf is bat sy khofzada hon  k kahin after marriage bhi main unsatisfied naa rahon,dil ki tishnagi baqi na rahy.coz dil ki tishnagi mujhy bohat irritate karti hy.(main yahan physical satisfaction ki baat nahin kr rahi.dil ki unsatisfaction ki bat kar rahi hon)

Sometimes mujhy lagta hay k main pagal ho jaaon gi is unsatisfaction ki wajah sy.

I need serious comments from serious people.

Fazia Sister

faiza

im 1000000000000% agree with hitman....his reply is very wise....aur unhon ne bilkul sahi predict ki hain problems...aur un ka solution bi bilkul sahi bataya hai...

dear faiza, dekhiye ek bat to ye yad rakhiye ga k her cheez ka milna bohat mushkil hota hai....is liye to kaha jata hai k insan ko kabhi bhi itni ziada expectations nai lagani chahiye k wo poori hi na ho...aur agar wo poori na hon to insan ko takleef na ho....dekhiye, let suppose agar apko future mein koi handsome, gudlooking ya ap ka ideal larka mil jata hai to ho skta hai k wo character ka itna acha na ho, ya itna welleducated na ho, ya us ki family achi na ho, ya apki family ko wo pasand na aye, ya ap dono ki understanding ziada na ho....to phir ap kia kereyn gi....

So i just wana say k zaroori nai k wo her lehaz se bilkul corect ho....jesa ap sochti hain bilkul wesa hi ho...aur ye bi ho skta hai k jesa ap chahti hai wo bilkul wesa hi ho....lekin ye to naseeb ki bat hai na phir....

lekin dear abhi jo hai, ap usey to pehle achi tarhan se judge ker lo...ye na ho k ap isey bi mana ker do aur bad mein ap ko koi acha miley hi na.....so itni jaldi faisla kerney se pehle kafi socho...sub kuch dekho....jo baten hitman ne batayi hain main us se agree kerta hun...

aur un dono cases mein apko us k ghar walon se zaroor milna chahiye aur ab ye dekhney ki koshish kereyn k us ghar walon ki us k barey mein kia raye hai, us k ghar waley kese hain, family kesi hai....thora time un k sath bi spend kereyn, is se bi apko kafi andaza ho jaye ga k wo larka kesa hai aur us ki family kesi hai.....us k sath sath apne ghar walon se bi un ko milayen aur larkay se bi un ko milayen...ap k parents ne ap se ziada zindagi dekhi hai aur wo ziada achi tarha se cheezon ko judge ker payen gey....aur wese bi shadi k liye sirf larka aur larki ka mila nai hota, balke ye 2 families ka bi to milap hai na....to dono families ko bi ek dusrey se milna zaroori hai.....in sub cheezon ko dekh ker ap faisla keryen k ap ko kia kerna hai.....agar ap phir bi unsatisfied ho to mana ker dijiye ga us larkay ko aur phir parents ko bi dekhey k us k bad  wo kia faisla kertey hain

hawas.......

"kahin ye naho k zyada ki hawas main app k haath kuch bhi na lagay .........."

achay ki talash aur khuahish har insan ko hoti hai , isay hawas nahi kaha ja sakta....

re:mental unrelaxation

Thanx to all u people for considering my problem n replying.

Reply to hitman: I agree with ur second assumption.ya I also think im unsatisfied with his looks.I know k main aik gair aham cheeez k pechy apna dil unsatisfy kar rahi hon.

Main khud bhi is baat sy darti hon k kahin main zahri husan k peachy aisy  insaan ko naa kho don jis ka batin bohat khubsurat hy.

Reply to zeb: thanx zeb for ur comments.

Reply to josh: u r rite in ur point of view.khoob sy khoob tar ki taalash bohat sy insaaanon ki khwahish hoti hy  but sometimes insaan bohat achy ki khwahish main munh k bul b gir jata hy.or main girny sy hi darti hon.

Khuch log aisy hoty hain k jo ye janty bhi hain k zahiri husan waqti hota hy or achi life gyzarny k liye sirf zahir hi nahin baatin bhi acha hona chahye,is k baawjud wo zahir sy aksar impress ho jaty hain.main bhi shayad unhi logon main sy hon.jo k bohat galat bat hay meri.

Mera ye har giz  matlab nahin k wo bilkul b attractive  nahin hy.wo acha khaasa hy or kisi bhi larki ka ideal ho sakta hy.us main wo sab qualities hain jo aik achy lifepartner main honi chahiyan.bas bat itni si hy k shayad wo mery satisfaction level ko touch nahin kar paya physical appearance main.

Mujhy dar sirf is bat ka hy kahin aisa na ho k mujhy us sy shadi k baad sari life isi unrelaxation k sath na guzarni pary.main chahti hon k mera dil mukamal tor par satisfy ho jaaey or us k mukably py agr dunya ka haseen tareen banda b aa jaey to mujhy farq na pary.Mujhy ye b dar hy k kahin main khoob ki talash main baatni husan naaa khoo don.

Is k bawjud main umeed karti hon k agr ALLAH ny usy hi mera naseeb banaya hy to maera dil us py completely  satisfy ho jaaeyy gaa INSAHAALAH.

Ap log bhi mery liye dooa kijaye ga k wo jo bhi ho wo mery liye or main us k liye dunya or akhrat k lihaaz sy bahtar hon or is main hmary liye satisfaction b ho.

take care

Fazia

Re: Faiza....

DON'T Even think of any RELATION

just my thoughts

Hi Faiza,

I have read only your post completely not the others’ replies so I can’t comments on their replies or suggestion.

Good-looking doesn’t count so don’t worry. He should be loving, caring and sincere with you. That’s all each partner should look into each other rather going on external appearance.

I would say that Islam gives you permission to chose your partner and seek for qualities u desire but Allah don’t give every quality to each person. If some one is with normal face and physic so he might have been given some other qualities and visa versa.

So don’t go for external and materialist views. Just pray to Allah that may Allah grant you sincere husband and sincere partner to everyone.

That’s good that u haven’t been over emotional because that could create several problems in your future life and create unnecessary expectation in once mind at earlier stage and later other partner find it difficult to fulfils once expectation. So don’t be over emotional, think seriously all the aspect and challenges u might have to face even the fact if you get marry with him and if he asks for relocation, would you be able to leave you place and parents. All these seem childes stuff but these truly matters.

Lastly I would say in light of my personal experience that it’s not necessary the person u like you are going to get marry with him/her.  Allah knows best and we should only pray that O Allah give us what’s best for us and refine us what is bad for us. (Aameen).  And it has proved true in my personal life in same scenario. So I would recommend you to do so.

And stop comparing with others and be grateful what Allah grants you rather complaining and comparing with others as it’s only creates discomfort in life and we never know what’s happening in others life. (May Allah give us courage to understand his wisdom)

Couple of few points (Please don’t think I am discouraging you)

1. U explained his some very vital qualities but how sure you are if these really exists. Being a guy I can surly say that when guyz talk to some one with opposite gender 90% they pretend and especially when they are with someone special.

So watch you back especially when he doesn’t live in same city so it’s going to be hard to get an actual facts for you and u have been with him just for 5 months.

2. U have to consider your family. Let’s suppose you satisfy yourself but will u be able to satisfy your family that he is a nice guy so and so?

Well it’s too long and I suppose some of our readers don’t believe on all of these. So best of luck for your future life and use your mind and stop listening you DIL.

Allah Hafiz

M. Shah