Salam to everybody first of all hats to all the person here who r helping and advising everybody.

My problem is this that im scared about marriage. the thing is that i  grew up here in italy and let me that here its hard to be a good muslim. My father friend asked to my parents to marry me with his daughter also they r from pk and my parents told me and everything was fine. I was 12 a that time and fall in love with this girl i loved her too much bohat zayada mohabbat karta tha usse itni ki sharam se kabhi uski taraf akh b utha k nae dekha maine or kabhi baat karne ki himmat b nahi hui. wese bghar waloon ne kaha k shadi pehle ghunnah hai or sahi nahi hai.

Mene ghar walon ki baat mani or kuchnahi keya phir jab main 18 ka hua ko mujhe ek firend ne bataya baton main k dehan karo ladhki sahi nahi. To main usse baat chit shuru ki or bohat mushkil se usse apne dil ki baat ka izhar kiya lekin wo manti nahi thi maine himmat nae hari or akhir usko mere pyar ne majboor kar diya k uske dil main b mere liye jagah ban gae. Ye main samjhta tha. Phir yuhiin pakka pata laghane k liye maine ult batein karni shuru ki to usse pucha k usne kisi k sath sex to nahi kiya??? to pehle boli nahi lekin mer pressure dhalne par sach boli or pata chala k do ladhkun k sath sex kar chuki thi. pata chalne par main hafta bar so nahi paya esa lagha jese marne wala huun or hospital main chala gaya exident hua tha soch soch k pagal ho gaya tha. Par main usse pyar karta tha mene moaf kar diya kiun k usne kaha k aisa nahi kareghi or mere sath wafadar thi. Hatta k uski har khoaish puri ki uske kehne par mangni ki rasm b ki. Lekin phir mangni k dusre din uske ex(ya abhi tak tha) boyfried ne usse phone p baat ki or mila b usse. Maine phir b moaf kiya. Lekin phir ye baat sabh ko pata chal gai kiunk usladhke na  sabh ko bataya to main mangi todh di. Abh problem hai meri dobara engament hui hai meri khala ki beti se usse baat b karta huun just as cousins. Wo bohat acchi hai dehati lekin bohat sayada samjhdar maine usse pucha k aghar usse b koi or pasand hai to mujhe bata de  to uska jawab tha ("zindaghi main esa sochna b mat main apne maan baap ki izzat k liye jaan b de sakti huun tumne esa socha kese"), uska jawab mujhe behad pasand aya itna i think main usse pyar karne lagha huun lekin dar hai k kahin phir dobara bura na ho mere sath main kiya karun?? is dar ko kaise nikaluun?? coz Main chahta huun meri tarah shadi tak meri wife b paak or baizzat ho .....What can i do???